Penny for my thoughts

Today has got me thinking. You know when I have time to really think is a rare thing these days. My choice in a way, when I’m busy it quietens the mental chatter that i try to mute.

Shane was out shopping with Ellis and me and Reilly stayed at the villa he loves a bit of solo time with me and spends most of it stuck cheek to cheek. He went inside to watch Toy Story 4 and I pulled my sun lounger to the patio door do I could see him and he’d have to hurdle me to go unnoticed when passing. I got 2 hours sun bed time! What a result. My mind however was in overdrive, in overdrive with all the things I push to the parts at the back of my mind marked later.

I lay watching him pausing, rewinding the same parts of his film with absolute joy on his face and I felt such relief. He’d had a bad morning, filled with anxiety which comes out as plain bossy and awkward. We know it’s not and it’s in fact Reilly’s way of keeping control. It’s upsetting, Ellis still takes it personally, Shane and myself take it for what it is. An anxious little boy trying to make his world right and we’ll do anything to help.

I sat trying to envisage Reilly as a young man. What will he be doing? He’s incredibly bright. I wonder what his exam results will be, will he stay in school, could he train with his Dad? I know he will find his way but I feel we need to start laying the path. I can wait and see how he does or can try and plan. I chose the latter.

One thing I have learned is NEVER underestimate him. Just this morning he took the melon from the fridge and took me to the pool and gestured putting it in. I said no he gestured yes. This went on for 20 mins before he put it down. Fast forward an hour in the local shop and he leads me straight to the inflatables aisle and picks up the box with a clear picture of inflatable watermelon on it. He’s a genius. It was 35 euro I bartered him down to a 7.50 Lightening McQueen instead.

Like I say never underestimate he always finds a way. Resilience is incredible. independence is fierce. He’s a winner I’m sure of it but what if I’m wrong. Nothing is set in stone for any of our kids.

Shane has talked incessantly about moving abroad for years. I tried for months to find the right place to stay. Does it lock, is it noisy, is there a washer, how deep is the pool, how far the beach, is there a garden, transfer not too far, air con etc etc. What if we had a Reilly’s place for us and other families that is equipped and I mean truly equipped for our needs. Could that be it? Could that be something that Reilly could grow with and eventually run himself?

Who knows but the seed is planted and you know we love a challenge….

Published by

Christine Stephenson

Really busy mam who runs her own charity, has 3 sons and learning about autism every day. Contact me at alphaautistic@gmail.com

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