About a boy

Yesterday we headed into Newcastle for a night at The Copthorne Hotel on Newcastle’s Quayside courtesy of the fabulous Jeff & Lesley Armstrong.  We had a fantastic time,  I miss my one on one time with Ellis so much and it is essential I grab it whenever I can.  He is amazing company and his crack in unbelievable.

We had some lunch, walked along the Tyne, took photographs, looked at baby phototgraphs on the laptop, discussed dabbing, gave a homeless man £2 (Ellis’s choice) and talked about everything inlcuding which floor is best to be on if a hotel collapses and the skills of the F2 Freestylers.  It was perfect and I am eternally grateful to have been able to do that.  I also got the chance to think,  something I try not to do very often as it usual ends with anxiety or something to take up more of my time.

Watching Ellis asleep last night, happy and cozy made me realise how lucky  I am.   Whattt not having that she’s feeling lucky and happy queue the anxiety, the bedtime bastard that visits just as you are snuggling down.  Thought I might have left him at home but no he must have jumped in on the way out the door and my specialty anxiety topic at the Copthorne was guilt.

  • Guilty that I don’t have enough time for my lads.
  • Guilty that we don’t have enough money even though Shane works like a trojan but I can’t.
  • Guilty that I can’t do more.
  • Guilty that Shane and I never spend any time together.
  • Guilty for spending time with Ellis knowing Reilly may be melting down at home (he didn’t, he was fine).
  • Guilty for spending time with Reilly when I should be with Ellis.
  • Guilty because I couldn’t see Alex’s band play last night because I was with Ellis.
  • Guilty that I’d rather sit on the settee than go to the park.
  • Guilty that I wish I had an easier life.
  • Guilty that I do have an easier life than many.

Just the biggest ball of guilt in guilt town basically.  The list could be as long as your arm to be honest.  But I came to a conclusion last night.

That conclusion was you know what, actually fuck it!

I can’t do anymore its not physically possible.  I could be better organised and that’s something I will have to work on.  For now I’m happy watching boy knocking out peaceful zzzz’s in a beautiful bedroom while I watch the lights bouncing off the Tyne and the trains passing by outside,  this is one night anxiety is not getting into bed with me;  so with a swig of my soya milk tea, a bite of my GB Cupcakery brownie (vegan – to die for),  a sniff of Ellis’s Rocky Road and some much needed mindfulness I actually drifted off.

Ellis and his Rocky Road!

We had an amazing time.  Ellis needed it.  I desperately needed it. I can’t wait til we can do it again and I can repay Lesley & Jeff for their incredible kindness.

Needless to say when Shane picked us up Reilly legged it into the hotel and pressed all the buttons on the lift and I carried him out screaming.  Business as usual but batteries recharged and ready.  Love my boys xx


Tim Lamb Centre – We fit in! 

This morning we decided we would go and visit the Tim Lamb Centre at the Rising Sun Country Park in Benton, Newcastle.  Reilly has been there many times with school and always seems to enjoy it so on a rare Saturday off for Shane we decided to check it out.  As always we showed Reilly photographs of the centre and he happily got into the car, this usually only happens on being shown photos of Toys R Us, Smyth’s or kinder eggs.  Result.

Only around 10 minutes by car from my house The Tim Lamb Centre was like a little hidden gem that I should have found way earlier.  We were shown around by a lovely young lady and I was really impressed by the facilities.

  1. Baby & toddler room packed with toys, play kitchens etc
  2. Art & crafts room
  3. Teen room with gaming consoles etc
  4. Trampoline room with 3 trampolines and enough Lego to build another centre
  5. Music room
  6. Sensory room fully equipped with sensory lights, wires etc
  7. IT Suite
  8. Soft play area
  9. Cafe
  10. Special toilets & changing bed
  11. Enormous outdoor play area – swings, slides, ride ons, climbing frames
  12. Chickens, guinea pigs, goats & rabbits!

But best of all was what there wasn’t.  No judgey glares – the pressure was off.  I am always in fear of the next meltdown and where it will be but not here.  Everyone gets it.

The centre is for children with additional needs and their siblings. We signed up for a year immediately  (£15 plus £2 per session).  This also enables you to apply for a stay (for a fee) at one of their lovely caravans at Haggerston Castle or Appleby too.

I need somewhere like this where I can actually relax with Reilly, no tuts, no parenting advice from old codgers on how a smack would sort him out and a cup of tea in peace while he plays where he feels comfortable and is accepted. Priceless.

Pathways 4 all are a charity and a great one at that I know we will be returning frequently.

I also must say the name Tim Lamb was really familiar to me and it came to me that this was the gentleman that was spoken of very highly when we started the charity North East Hearts with Goals I believe he was a keen advocate of the placement of defibrillators as Metrocentre Manager.  So a shared passion of making lives easier for those with different abilities and for saving lives. A great combination I’m sure we all agree.  Strange how things link up.

Check it out, you might see me – I’ll be the one yawning and frazzled trying to stop Reilly having a wobbler ……. oh hang on that’s right that’s  not just me anymore 😄.

A great day apart from he didn’t want to come home and attempted an escape from his car seat for the entire journey complete with screaming of banshee proportions.  I’m pretty certain passing drivers would have noted the reg.  Most of the night spent sat in the car which is his new favourite place.

Today’s nickname Luke Cloud Walker.