The last couple of weeks have been incredibly busy. Preparing for an invite only performance of Life of Reilly at Northern Stage, preparation for the ball on 1st June at Hilton, pre production film meetings as well as the other 2 million things I do to keep us ticking over with Reilly is keeping me on my toes so to speak.
Tonight was final rehearsal before the show. I went along with intentions of watching but ended up sat with ‘The Mams’. We drink tea, they help me with any questions I have and offer their help, they also lend me an ear. We have built up a little comradery. They are supporting their daughters but also us in the quest to educate more people.
We got on talking tonight about sleep. I started to recount the days when Reilly was little and by surprise it made me very emotional. I can look back now and see how far we have come. Reilly was around 4 years old when my health visitor drove past me in the street with Reilly and turned around to come back. I looked horrific. I was barely functioning on around 3 hours sleep. I told her I felt like I would die or have a nervous breakdown if I didn’t get some help. Prior to this Reilly didn’t just not sleep, he screamed most of the night. Inconsolable real tears and we didn’t know why. He couldn’t tell us. Was he in pain?, had he a nightmare?, was he frightened?, We had no idea. Nights turned into months and even into years and we coped best we could. Shane trying to sleep as he was up so early for work but spending much of the night as back up for me and taking his turn at swaying Reilly looking at the stars, something we would do for hours on end. Ellis my middle son near moved in with my parents just to get some sleep.
At the time I felt like a massive failure. One child I didn’t understand and the other didn’t want to be in the same house. I was lucky that I didn’t have to go to a 9-5 job, if I did I’d have surely been sacked. I tried catch up when I could but chances were few and far between. There is only so much your body will take before its says enough is enough. I was at this point.
A day after my chance run in with my health visitor I picked up a prescription for melatonin – melatonin is naturally produced by the body to regulate the sleep-wake cycle. Its levels begin to rise shortly after nightfall, promoting sleep. I was terrified to give him it, Was I drugging him? Was I copping out? What would people think of me? All the normal what if’s. I can put my hand on my heart and tell you that without that run in I was indeed headed for a breakdown.
We’ve moved forward in so many ways. Not thought about that grey area of my life for a long time.
We struggle but we’ve got this. Talking helps. I’m lucky I have Alison & Kelly who have been there and bought the slightly different t-shirt but always on hand for advice.
To The Mams as I lovingly refer to them thankyou ladies for the support for The Life of Reilly and for me. Appreciated more than you know. x