Lying in bed, praying Reilly goes to sleep soon 😬, trying to work out why my anxiety feels so overwhelming at the minute. I’m almost always anxious, panic always tapping at the window. But when I actually look at what my days involve… seriously is it any wonder?

I’m managing menopause, anxiety, depression, severe anaemia and OCD. Even one of those conditions would be a lot. Together they bring exhaustion, insomnia, brain fog, intrusive thoughts, mood swings and a very low tolerance for bullshit and a touch of absolute radgeness.

Alongside that, I’m Mam to Reilly. This is constant, no off duty version of this role. I think most of you know how thoroughly difficult it can be. I’m also working, running a charity, writing a book and parenting my other sons too, yes they are grown up but they still count. When you add all of that together, anxiety isn’t surprising. It’s a predictable response to a ridiculous life.

So when I don’t reply, miss events or cancel plans, it isn’t because I don’t care (although sometimes I’m just meh and don’t want to 😂). It’s because I’m exhausted. Shit I know people who couldn’t handle a quarter of what I do. So I’m giving myself a pat on the back to see if it helps me sleep any better.

This isn’t about sympathy by the way although I do revel in it sometimes. It’s a reminder there are a lot of us women carrying similar loads quietly. A bit of understanding really does go a long way.

TheLifeOfReilly #autism #kindnessmatters #women