I’ve done something outrageous! Maybe not outrageous to you but to me it’s huge!

I’ve booked to go to Portugal in June with a group of girlies, for 3 days. The original plan was they were going in a log cabin in Northumberland and I thought I can do that for 1 night, it’s near, I can come home if I need to but it’s changed because for £44 you can fly to Portugal and I really, really, really need a break. Did you know I was tired? I may have mentioned it.

Since adding myself to their flight 2 hours ago I have almost convinced myself that I shouldn’t be going.  The what ifs are horrific.   but you know what I’m working really hard to turn those into so what’s.  I have a really loud defence and prosecution going at it in my head that’s sounds a bit like ….

Prosecution – Members of the jury I ask you what kind of mother leaves her non verbal autistic son for a jolly abroad for 3 days (actually 2 as arrive at night). 

Defence – not really a jolly, she’s boring as f@ck and only drinks tea.

Prosecution – but still her place is at home.

Defence – agreed but she’s tired AF and feels like she’s lost her identity and wants to be responsibility free for a couple of days.

Prosecution – she’ll never do it she has more panic attacks than an anxious pilot.

Defence – true but she also has diazepam.

I really want to go.  I know the people who are going get me and understand my situation.  Is it so bad to want to go away for a couple of days?  Shane was practically booking it for me, I think he might want rid of me for some peace. 

So for now I’m going, defence is winning and no one knows more than my nearest and dearest how hard I graft behind the scenes with Reilly and many other aspects in my life.  Will I come back refreshed and a new woman or a bigger wreck than before? Answers on a tacky postcard.

Is it too soon to pack?