What a week i’ve had. For those who don’t follow my The Life of Reilly Facebook Page I passed my driving test!! I cannot believe it!
I have been incredibly anxious over the last week setting myself up for a fail, moaning to myself about how i’ll be trapped for the next 25 years in my house because I can’t drive and then went and passed first time. I’ve been learning for about 2 years but because of my ridiculous chaotic lifestyle I have cancelled many lessons so I think we should say learning for 1 year it sounds better. My driving instructor has the patience of a saint and is also very funny which is exactly what you need when you are learning to drive age 45. Here is his details if you want a top class instructor in the Cramlington area My Drive North East.
So speaking of anxiety some of you will know I run a little group, its secret by the way; which is ever expanding about anxiety and panic. I’ve suffered for ever and its a great little support if you are having a wobble and someone to sound off. It’s been a bad week for many so I thought I would cheer them up with a post about my anxiety and how it affects me and believe me it does affect me. They all laughed at me which was the intention and said I should blog it as dealing with anxiety as the parent of a special needs child is a mammoth task.
Here’s the post with a little more of the drama:
- I have MS. Not negotiable.
- I have locked in syndrome (my biggest fear).
- I have a slipped disc.
- I’ve severed a nerve. Not pinched one. Severed it.
- How will I get on the plane?
- They’ll keep me in a Spanish hospital.
- Who will stay with me? I will have at least 500 panic attacks and my OCD will rage.
- Who the fuck is going to run after Reilly?
- Will I need a wheelchair?
- Where will I live if I have a wheelchair?
- Maybe it’s kidney disease.
- Will I need a transplant?
- Probably a tumor on my spine.
- Can I put my chin on my chest? Does it cries again as it kills.
- I’ve got meningitis have I got a rash?
- Will I be incontinent?
- Will I shit myself on the plane if I get on it?
- How the hell will Shane and the kids cope if I die?
- How will they tell Reilly?
- How will he understand?
I told you it was grim! All the while I was googling different ailments trying to self diagnose what had happened. Not at any point did I think I’d just hurt my back.
I eventually fell asleep thanks to my emergency cant get on the plane diazepam. Woke up at 9 couldn’t stand up, shuffled to bathroom and pittled myself again.
8 million tablets and a day later I got on the plane. I saw a doctor last week who is sending me for a scan. It’s still killing me. I have done EVERY self test on YouTube to find out if I’m terminal. You’ll be pleased to know I haven’t found anything other than nerve damage or a disc problem that does indeed make you pee your pants.
It’s hard when you have horrendous health anxiety. You try and get some balance and talk yourself out of ‘oh it’s something serious’ but then there’s that little nag that twitters in the back of your mind ‘leave it and you’ll make it worse’. It’s never ending. I’m laughing to myself just typing this list but I can also guarantee I’ll be having further investigations, not with Dr Google.
No More Panic is a good site for anyone feeling angsty.