Today was a zero out of ten

Today has broken me.

It started with Reilly grabbing my keys and darting straight across the road and into my poor neighbours house. Me looking like I was a couple of days early for Halloween traipsed across to get him back. Easier said than done. He loves Elaine’s house and I think he’d happily stay there all day if I let him. I coaxed him out with the promise of going bouncing, I’m guaranteed to get him moving with that and it worked.

We get to Airbox and he’s pinging about as per happy as Larry and decides to go upstairs for a drink, this is fine it’s part of our thing. This time though he gets his eye on a family, the little girls are eating chicken nuggets and he makes it known he’d like the same. So far so good. I get our drinks, order the food and then I do it and I know he’s seen me and it’s too late. What had I done? I put my card in the machine at the till. I take it out, we cancel the sale so he can do it. No Christine that’s not how it works he does it first or he’s raising the roof and by god he did it well.
The staff as always phenomenal, some of the other parents not so much. Ellis starts to cry at what’s happening and is aware of other people giving us the look to which I proclaim loudly that I couldn’t give a flyer who is looking at Reilly they need to look at themselves. He tries to throw the little girls plate with her chicken nuggets on, I apologise profusely, they get it, they are cool thankfully and Reilly just well screams. I get on my knees on his level pretty calm considering but he’s having none of it.

His food appears and he calms down we finish off and leave. We get home and he wants to go in my neighbours house again and I spend half an hour outside fielding him from running across the road better than a GK in netball.
We’re in but he wants out. He tries various escape routes checks windows, doors etc and proceeds to nut my front door in hopes of creating a new way out. This I can’t deal with. It makes me anxious, breaks my heart and teeters me on the edge of a panic attack. We use distraction, put on DVDs, tell him Santas watching clutching at straws, I physically move him as I’m terrified that he will seriously hurt himself. He actually shakes and teeth chatter in this state. It goes on way longer than I anticipate and my morale is sagging like my trousers that Tarly is attached to pulling with his teeth, playing but making my steam rise that little bit higher!
The rest of the day has been spent up and down like this. He managed to get out in full minions get up darted past Ellis when returning from his dog walk, straight across the road, in the house and upstairs into bed. More coaxing and eventually I had to bite the bullet, grab him and run.
He spent the next 20 mins in his minions onesie and my knee high boots in my garden like a new feral superhero who I christened ‘The Wader’ as that’s what my boots looked like and I have to laugh.
I have never been so grateful for melatonin time tonight. Plates have frisbeed, drinks thrown and Just before coming upstairs with him I went for his drink as always I came back into the living room and he was emptying my Hoover cylinder onto my dining room table. Just what I wanted.

An Alvin and the Chipmunks The Squeakwel later watched from a makeshift bed on top of his drawers for some reason, I’m not arguing he’s still and he’s quiet and I needed that.

He’s asleep beside me now, he looks like he was heaven sent. Everytime I try and move to get my cuppa he pulls me back so our noses are touching and I love it. I love the bones of this kid but by Christ I’m glad to see the back of this day.  Today can kiss it.

Published by

Christine Stephenson

Really busy mam who runs her own charity, has 3 sons and learning about autism every day. Contact me at

15 thoughts on “Today was a zero out of ten”

  1. I just read on Facebook about your son no longer being invited to some parties, all I have to say is good for him, he does not need friends Wich mothers don’t accept him as he is and don’t teach the children that everyone is different. They are horrible to treat you and your son like that, don’t feel bad for loosing terrible friends, there are many nice people in the world…
    One day my son tried to say hello and hug one of his friends from school but the boy just pushed him away, my son looked at me and said he doesn’t like me mummy, the boy has autism so I just told my son that is different and today he need his space, maybe another day he will be ready to hug you and we need to love and accept people as they are, one week later arriving at school this boy run and gave my son a big hug and he looked at me and said you were right mum! So it does make me sad other mums would not teach their children to be inclusive and accept the differences. Sorry for the long comment I just needed to say something also… You son looks like a model he is gorgeous and you are a great mum and doing all the best for him! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Christine, hang on. When my son was your angel’s age, he had the same behaviors. I was so worried all the time. It took time and work, but life got better.

        Now he’s away at college. He still thinks because he’s next to others he’s “with” them. I guess that means he has a million “friends”. Funny, when we’re out, there’s always someone who knows him and stops to say hello.

        Forget the fools who don’t include, but watch for the knights in shining armor who are kind in small ways. My Justin eventually had some true sweet young friends: Connor and Pete were a wonderful example to other students.
        Those sort of people will keep you going.
        Good luck in your journey.
        I’m sending good thoughts and feelings, you’re not alone.
        Liz J.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. To the Stevenson Family,

    You have a super handsome young man, who is special in everyway- that others are not. God does not give us the reasons for why we are all the way we are, except that he has a wonderful plan for Reilly. Sometimes we need Reilly’s in this world, so that we all can be brought back to ground level. To humble us we need humbling, and to shed a tear for another, and to bring forth our own realization that we should all be thankful in some way. I support your husband’s actions and the strength he shows in defense of his son. I wish you all the best and especially Reilly.

    Frank from America

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anna ..I to have an 11-yr old non verbal severely autistic and hyper active son…. and just as you do , simply love him beyond anything anyone could possibly imagine. People that don’t have children that have special needs are usually oblivious to the situation that we call every day life …. As far as I am concerned , I would not change my life for all the money or fame or anything else in this world … My son has turned this ex-tough guy into a soft hearted cry baby and I am not ashamed to admit it …. When you have a child as you and I do and as many many others alike do , you realize just what love and caring truly is … No party in the world could change my out look on life ,,, or my sons … all I care about is his happiness and that he enjoys everything he does…. Now,,,,,, After hearing about Reilly ,, I have another little guy in my thoughts that all I wish is that he too is as happy as my son and parties or not , hopefully he will continue to be happy,,, and mom and dad we make sure of that …If you are ever in R.I. and want to watch your son enjoy some,,,time in a hot tub with another happy little boy , please don’t hesitate to contact me and we can make it happen … Little boys like yours and mine don’t need parties to be happy , we just need to give them love and caring to see them smile ,,, and that to me is the greatest gift on earth for me from them . Seeing that smile lets me know that my son is happy and laughing ….. Reilly will keep smiling for mom and dad because Nothing can destroy the spirit of little boys like ours ,,,, they both have to much going for them ….. Lots of thoughts to you and yours and stay strong …. Ron

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I pray for you and your family. Please stay strong as you have a handsome little boy. He will brighten the world in his own special way. Your struggles and triumphant days are noticed. From one parent to another….You and your husband have the heart of gold. And no matter what challenges you face in the future you, and your family are blessed.

    Tough times don’t last….Tough people do…..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m been very fortunate to teach children with Autism. All of them have their own personalities with various places on the spectrum. I haven’t been privileged to teach one that is nonverbal; but, I can only imagine that I will get this opportunity if I remain in this profession long enough. This is absolutely, hands down, the most fulfilling job I’ve EVER had. I appreciate the fact that I’m allowed to teach any child with a disability. I never find myself feeling sorry for my students, I’m only trying to find ways to enrich their educational experience while bringing meaning to lives of all parties involved, including my own. I admire parents that take the initiative to advocate for their child. Thanks so much for sharing Reilly’s life with us all.

    Liked by 1 person

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