Tomorrow is Ramside Hall Eve. I cannot wait!
I have felt more stressed than normal over the last few weeks and there is no better time to get away from it all, even if it is only for one night. This is my christmas present from Shane. When anyone asks me what I want for birthdays, christmas etc the answer is always the same, let me get away for a night, free from responsibility and some time to breathe. I will also take the opportunity to meet up with the awesome Autistic Advocate for a coffee and discuss moving things forward with all things autistic in the right way. His blogs blow my mind and give great insight to actually autistic lives.
Managing stress is something that I’ve done since I can remember. Anxiety shacks up with depression in my mind and doesn’t even pay rent, unwanted squatters who I just cannot evict. Sometimes they are noisy, other times we get along dandy – at the minute they need an ASBO. When there is a lot going on they crank up the house parties and stop me from sleeping. Couple that with the fact that I’m an incredibly busy lady with 3 boys, 4 if you count my husband and its no wonder. It’s not unusual for me though and i’ll ride the wave like I always do. This too shall pass, might be like a watermelon from a birth canal but it will pass. I’ve always been very open about the fact I take meds and have done for years. I really wish there was more discussion around it. How the hell are people supposed to know that they aren’t alone when we are still speaking in hushed tones about it?
Being Reilly’s Mam brings its challenges but I can tell you something for sure my 11 year old NT child is stressing me out wayyyy more than Reilly at the moment. When did 11 become the new 15? I even offered to rap on his youtube channel to cheer him up yesterday and was told to stop trying to be peng. Because I’m down with the kids I know what that means but I played on it and said pardon i’m nothing like Pingu. No laughs just a look of utter disgust that reminded me of myself at approximately 13 with my awful perm and vile attitude to match. He’s his mothers son that’s for sure.
I try and relax as much as I can. Mindfulness is a huge part of my routine and EVERY night I unwind listening to dulcet tones and try to breathe correctly, most of us don’t. It works you should try it. I’ve signed up to yoga classes. I’ve wanted to do this for years and always been a bit scared of the odd sneaky pump making its way out during a downward facing dog. Fingers crossed I can behave.
Nights away to just be myself are so valuable I cannot put it into words. I get a bed to myself, MYSELF! I get to be alone, I can go in the bath with additions of toilet brushes, toilet rolls, dog shampoo, Lightening McQueen, underpants etc. I’ve even treated myself to a bath bomb, this one will not go down the toilet like the others.
I will eat from a china plate, not a plastic Christmas plate and I will eat at a table and not the 10th stair up where I cant be seen shovelling it in like a jazz band drummer in a bid to eat while its hot without it being thrown across the room like a foody discus.
I will swim like an overweight mermaid and sweat in the sauna. I might even read something that’s printed in an actual book! The luxury of it all! I don’t want any phone calls unless its life or death. I don’t know or care where the socks, shinpads, PS4 controller, insert your own here are.
I will try and forget that I have recently acquired some new wall art up my stairs and in my bedroom courtesy of Reilly and a yellow hi-lighter, to be fair I really don’t give a f@ck about this if I’m honest. Pick your battles. This is an easy one and will match his earlier works of art dated circa 2015. It’s just another job to add to the list of never ending jobs that never get finished at home.
So Ill return on Saturday hopefully refreshed and ready to take on the filming of the short for The Life of Reilly on the 11th & 12th. I’ve attended many meetings lately about it and i’m super excited to see it come to life. This is just the beginning for The Life of Reilly. Where it stops nobody knows.
(I should really add that I usually don’t sleep when I’m away, the intention is there but I lie in bed wondering if Reilly is ok, how maybe I shouldn’t have went and what the breakfast will look like).