One of the most difficult aspects of parenting Reilly has been witnessing how he uses destruction as a way to vent his frustration. He has always broken plates and cups, that’s why we usually use plastic now but even those aren’t Reillyproof. As a mother it is heartbreaking to see my son struggle to communicate his emotions.

I think Reilly’s destructive behavior has become a coping mechanism for his inner turmoil. When he is feeling anxious, upset or overwhelmed, he will often resort to breaking things. At first I was at a loss for how to handle it, we work hard, we really try to have a nice home but it will never happen. We now look for ways to minimise destruction, tonight he has pulled off every piece of wallpaper while in the shower and I have no idea what triggered it. Wood paneling maybe the way forward but we live in a money pit and it’s never ending.

I have new holes in my bedroom this week but they can and will be fixed, my worry is Reilly’s safety because he is unstoppable when he goes. It can be a cough heard through an open window or his brother dropping something in his room. Normal things to many.

I have come to see his destructive behavior as a cry for help rather than a deliberate act of defiance although I could cry looking around the house. I mean he breaks things he loves like the TVs, Xboxes etc so for now until we can find adequate protection our new ones won’t be going up. The new TV for the living room we bought in December is back in the box. It was up 3 hours and I caught him mid swing with his minecraft hammer.

It is our responsibility to create a safe and supportive environment for my son to express himself in a healthy way but it’s incredibly difficult. I’m human I can lose my shit as quickly as the next person but I’m learning to take a few steps back. Anger solves NOTHING. Empathy works better.

By sharing our experiences, I hope to shed light on the complexities of autism and the ways in which individuals may express their emotions, other families with holes in the wall I see you 💜 Employers of parents of autistic children don’t forget – give them a break you cannot imagine what happens behind closed doors.