NaN in the Costa Del Sol

We are here it’s day 3!

We were up at 4am on Friday to catch a flight to Malaga. I’m always terrified that Reilly will have a meltdown but today has been a breeze.

I’d already downloaded the autism passport from the Airport website and filled that in but to be fair never showed it to anyone. We timed it so we’d spend as little time in the airport as possible. We checked in with a lovely lady called Abbie who told us to go to Gate 19 at 6am if we wanted a bit of peace ūüĎĆ and were directed to the passenger assistance booth to pick up a sunflower lanyard.

The lanyard meant we could pass straight through fast track security. No waiting, no queues. We just had time to get a few bottles of water and some sarnies for the plane and we were off.

He was brilliant on the flight. I had ear defenders, iPad with Tory Story 4, Life of Pets2, a series of Postman Pat and a series of Thomas. There were a couple of coughs which caused him to scream and scratch himself. It’s awful I really don’t know how to solve it.

Our villa is 20 metres from the beach so makes it easy to run between pool and beach, he loves them both ‚̧ԳŹ. All in all a great first day but the night was horrific. The change in surroundings, sensory issues etc caused Reilly to become incredibly anxious. He cried and googled, home, airport, Jet2 for hours. I admit I googled flights after 2 hours. He was broken hearted ūüė©. I managed to calm him and get him to sleep. He woke the next morning happy and he’s been that way ever since (apart from a trip on the bus to Marbella with the loudest cougher on the Del Sol).

I also have an announcement…. as you all know I have never heard him say Mam. Well now I have, it sounds like NaN but I’ll take it. ūüėä I’ve heard it at least 30 times in 3 days. When he wants me or needs something it’s NaN ‚̧ԳŹ he said it when I was away last week while looking in all the rooms at home, I was gutted I missed it and felt really emotional when Shane text me ūüėä. He asked him do you mean Mam and he signed yes. So if you see me I’m not his granny or NaN I’ve just had a hard paper round ūüėā

Shane’s Mam leaves tomorrow so it’s just the 4 of us til Friday. We are working shifts as normal so we can get time with Ellis alone, I thoroughly enjoyed my meal on the beach last night it’s Ellis and it’s Shane’s turn tonight. Reilly is more of a Burger King kind of guy ‚̧ԳŹ

The lads are spending some great time together in the pool and Reilly copies everything else does which is lovely to see. Holidays are worth their weight in gold for us. This interaction just doesn’t happen at home.

Looking forward to the next few days ūüėä

Flying solo

I’m back from my few days away with the girls! ¬†I had the best time I can’t even put it in to words. ¬†I felt safe and relaxed those two concoctions don’t come around very often.

When I received Reilly’s autism diagnosis I thought these times were over. ¬†As an established anxiety sufferer and now the added worries for Reilly I never thought I would have the courage to fly solo. ¬† I lost my Grandad on the morning I flew. ¬†He has been ill for a long time and pleaded regularly ¬†to help him on his way. ¬†A horrific time for my Mam and her brothers. ¬†I felt I should stay and support my Mam who was having absolutely none of it.

I arrived at the airport with the girls armed with diazepam, just in case. ¬†I didn’t take one and I was just fine. ¬†I have laughed more in three days than I have in three years. ¬†The only time I wavered was when Shane posted photographs to social media of Reilly. ¬†I felt a pang of guilt that I should be there, I wanted to have my nose buried in his hair but a serious word with myself and reminding myself of the fact that he is going to be there doing exactly the same things when I get home and all was right again. ¬†I have a husband and friends who do not have that chance – a reality check is all that is needed about how lucky I am.

The time I spent lounging on the sun lounger soaking up the sun is as beneficial as any medication I’ve ever taken. ¬†It’s essential in fact.

I was ‘evicted’ from the villa on Wednesday and sat pondering in the airport waiting to board the flight. ¬†Could I have stayed the extra couple of days with the girls? ¬†Damn right I could have. ¬†Reilly was absolutely fine with his Dad. ¬†He seems to just switch modes when the other is not around. ¬†I often wonder what his concept of time is, I still don’t have the answer but what I do know is our reunion was not the teary, Reilly running opened armed to his Mam who scoops him up for a cuddle. ¬†I surprised him by shouting through the trees in the park, ¬†he stopped for a second and did a quick glance, I jumped out and he changed direction and went up the nearest climbing frame. ¬†I was absolutely gutted ha.

Next year the full duration with the girls abroad? ¬†You bet it will be. ¬†Let’s have some of the old Christine back, loosen those control reins a little and realise the world still turns without me.

RIP Grandad Billy

RIP Aunty Jane who absolutely loved this blog and Reilly’s adventures





My last post Grim was pretty deep and deathly I thought I would share some of my thoughts as a mam.

Its easy to feel under pressure to live up to the special needs supermam title, especially not in the summer holidays. ¬†I’m not one of those – I wish I was. ¬† The school holidays have nearly killed me I can’t lie. ¬†Reilly is now a permanent¬†fixture on my leg which is lovely but not 24/7 and especially not when you need the toilet or a bath –¬†he likes to put the toilet brush in and give it a good mix, put¬†my fave¬†Lush bathbomb’s down the toilet if i’m silly enough to turn my back for a second and if he gets in with me he¬†cleans his colour change cars¬†with a toothbrush and likes to alternate the taps between red hot and icy cold for maximum effect. ¬†He particularly likes the pool of water left behind me when we pull the plug out, the ¬†effects of the ¬†Christine ¬†Arse Dam. ¬†Bit like the Hoover Dam but bigger and less attractive.

I’ve said before in the post I am jealous. There I said it.¬†that I envy the supermams, I still do. ¬†Everyday I scroll through my twitter and facebook feeds to an abundance of craft making, zoo visiting, picnic eating, sandcastle building supermams. ¬†The mam’s that can go for a 3 course meal in a pretty little cafe for knickerbocker glories when I struggle to keep Reilly waiting in the queue¬†at the chippy at the top of the road for 5 minutes without a kickoff or running on the road. Christ if I can get to the park for 20 minutes on the swing I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain. Get him to eat his dinner and i’ve not just climbed a mountain i’ve conquered one. ¬†Someone suggested the other day I take Reilly to an autism friendly cinema showing. ¬†I’m not brave enough for that yet i’ll stick to Alvin and the Chipmunks in the safety of my own home for now.

I’m not a natural goddess¬†type, don’t forget I’m the mam that sometimes lets Reilly fall asleep in his school jumper then sends him in the very same one the next morning,¬†the mam who knows he’s emptying the coco pops on the kitchen floor but doesn’t jump up to stop him because I know it will keep him busy with a hoover knozzle for at least half an hour. ¬†Greatest ¬£2 ever spent in my opinion when in fact¬†I’d spend ¬£5 on a half an hours peace. Supermam I am not.

I had no melatonin a couple of nights ago awaiting the prescription to be picked up. ¬†My whole day was consumed with the worry that Reilly wasn’t going to sleep when I was already sleep deprived and ratty. ¬†I had to think on my feet. ¬†I had an empty bottle so I turned it upside down for the day just incase I could manage a dribble, better than nothing. ¬†Bit like when you’ve got fish and chips and there’s a tiny squidge in the bottom of the red sauce bottle. ¬†You will get it just takes some patience and a bit of coaxing in the right direction. ¬†Supermams wouldn’t have let that ruin their day stressing about sleep they’d have prepared a lavender bath, warm milk and mood lighting. ¬†When the time came to get his melatonin it was moving as fast a cold larva¬†out the bottle. ¬†20 minutes I stood there waiting for a couple of drips. ¬†20 minutes well spent it turns out.

Question is are the Supermams real? Have they just got more patience than me?, I have tons I really do! Is life really as peachy as that or are they just as demented as me?  Answers on the back of an IEP.

Not long though folks September is in sight.