Flying solo

I’m back from my few days away with the girls!  I had the best time I can’t even put it in to words.  I felt safe and relaxed those two concoctions don’t come around very often.

When I received Reilly’s autism diagnosis I thought these times were over.  As an established anxiety sufferer and now the added worries for Reilly I never thought I would have the courage to fly solo.   I lost my Grandad on the morning I flew.  He has been ill for a long time and pleaded regularly  to help him on his way.  A horrific time for my Mam and her brothers.  I felt I should stay and support my Mam who was having absolutely none of it.

I arrived at the airport with the girls armed with diazepam, just in case.  I didn’t take one and I was just fine.  I have laughed more in three days than I have in three years.  The only time I wavered was when Shane posted photographs to social media of Reilly.  I felt a pang of guilt that I should be there, I wanted to have my nose buried in his hair but a serious word with myself and reminding myself of the fact that he is going to be there doing exactly the same things when I get home and all was right again.  I have a husband and friends who do not have that chance – a reality check is all that is needed about how lucky I am.

The time I spent lounging on the sun lounger soaking up the sun is as beneficial as any medication I’ve ever taken.  It’s essential in fact.

I was ‘evicted’ from the villa on Wednesday and sat pondering in the airport waiting to board the flight.  Could I have stayed the extra couple of days with the girls?  Damn right I could have.  Reilly was absolutely fine with his Dad.  He seems to just switch modes when the other is not around.  I often wonder what his concept of time is, I still don’t have the answer but what I do know is our reunion was not the teary, Reilly running opened armed to his Mam who scoops him up for a cuddle.  I surprised him by shouting through the trees in the park,  he stopped for a second and did a quick glance, I jumped out and he changed direction and went up the nearest climbing frame.  I was absolutely gutted ha.

Next year the full duration with the girls abroad?  You bet it will be.  Let’s have some of the old Christine back, loosen those control reins a little and realise the world still turns without me.

RIP Grandad Billy

RIP Aunty Jane who absolutely loved this blog and Reilly’s adventures

xx

 

 

2 Comments

  1. You deserve the time away, I’m lucky enough to have 2 children who I don’t have to worry about, I really couldn’t put myself in your shoes, I have a nephew who has autism he’s kind, lovable and will probably struggle later in life but I’ll always be there if he needs me, what you and wor Kelly do is amazing keep it up I love these blogs x

    Liked by 1 person

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