I’m back from my few days away with the girls! I had the best time I can’t even put it in to words. I felt safe and relaxed those two concoctions don’t come around very often.
When I received Reilly’s autism diagnosis I thought these times were over. As an established anxiety sufferer and now the added worries for Reilly I never thought I would have the courage to fly solo. I lost my Grandad on the morning I flew. He has been ill for a long time and pleaded regularly to help him on his way. A horrific time for my Mam and her brothers. I felt I should stay and support my Mam who was having absolutely none of it.
I arrived at the airport with the girls armed with diazepam, just in case. I didn’t take one and I was just fine. I have laughed more in three days than I have in three years. The only time I wavered was when Shane posted photographs to social media of Reilly. I felt a pang of guilt that I should be there, I wanted to have my nose buried in his hair but a serious word with myself and reminding myself of the fact that he is going to be there doing exactly the same things when I get home and all was right again. I have a husband and friends who do not have that chance – a reality check is all that is needed about how lucky I am.
The time I spent lounging on the sun lounger soaking up the sun is as beneficial as any medication I’ve ever taken. It’s essential in fact.
I was ‘evicted’ from the villa on Wednesday and sat pondering in the airport waiting to board the flight. Could I have stayed the extra couple of days with the girls? Damn right I could have. Reilly was absolutely fine with his Dad. He seems to just switch modes when the other is not around. I often wonder what his concept of time is, I still don’t have the answer but what I do know is our reunion was not the teary, Reilly running opened armed to his Mam who scoops him up for a cuddle. I surprised him by shouting through the trees in the park, he stopped for a second and did a quick glance, I jumped out and he changed direction and went up the nearest climbing frame. I was absolutely gutted ha.
Next year the full duration with the girls abroad? You bet it will be. Let’s have some of the old Christine back, loosen those control reins a little and realise the world still turns without me.
RIP Grandad Billy
RIP Aunty Jane who absolutely loved this blog and Reilly’s adventures