My last post Grim was pretty deep and deathly I thought I would share some of my thoughts as a mam.

Its easy to feel under pressure to live up to the special needs supermam title, especially not in the summer holidays.  I’m not one of those – I wish I was.   The school holidays have nearly killed me I can’t lie.  Reilly is now a permanent fixture on my leg which is lovely but not 24/7 and especially not when you need the toilet or a bath – he likes to put the toilet brush in and give it a good mix, put my fave Lush bathbomb’s down the toilet if i’m silly enough to turn my back for a second and if he gets in with me he cleans his colour change cars with a toothbrush and likes to alternate the taps between red hot and icy cold for maximum effect.  He particularly likes the pool of water left behind me when we pull the plug out, the  effects of the  Christine  Arse Dam.  Bit like the Hoover Dam but bigger and less attractive.

I’ve said before in the post I am jealous. There I said it. that I envy the supermams, I still do.  Everyday I scroll through my twitter and facebook feeds to an abundance of craft making, zoo visiting, picnic eating, sandcastle building supermams.  The mam’s that can go for a 3 course meal in a pretty little cafe for knickerbocker glories when I struggle to keep Reilly waiting in the queue at the chippy at the top of the road for 5 minutes without a kickoff or running on the road. Christ if I can get to the park for 20 minutes on the swing I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain. Get him to eat his dinner and i’ve not just climbed a mountain i’ve conquered one.  Someone suggested the other day I take Reilly to an autism friendly cinema showing.  I’m not brave enough for that yet i’ll stick to Alvin and the Chipmunks in the safety of my own home for now.

I’m not a natural goddess type, don’t forget I’m the mam that sometimes lets Reilly fall asleep in his school jumper then sends him in the very same one the next morning, the mam who knows he’s emptying the coco pops on the kitchen floor but doesn’t jump up to stop him because I know it will keep him busy with a hoover knozzle for at least half an hour.  Greatest £2 ever spent in my opinion when in fact I’d spend £5 on a half an hours peace. Supermam I am not.

I had no melatonin a couple of nights ago awaiting the prescription to be picked up.  My whole day was consumed with the worry that Reilly wasn’t going to sleep when I was already sleep deprived and ratty.  I had to think on my feet.  I had an empty bottle so I turned it upside down for the day just incase I could manage a dribble, better than nothing.  Bit like when you’ve got fish and chips and there’s a tiny squidge in the bottom of the red sauce bottle.  You will get it just takes some patience and a bit of coaxing in the right direction.  Supermams wouldn’t have let that ruin their day stressing about sleep they’d have prepared a lavender bath, warm milk and mood lighting.  When the time came to get his melatonin it was moving as fast a cold larva out the bottle.  20 minutes I stood there waiting for a couple of drips.  20 minutes well spent it turns out.

Question is are the Supermams real? Have they just got more patience than me?, I have tons I really do! Is life really as peachy as that or are they just as demented as me?  Answers on the back of an IEP.

Not long though folks September is in sight.