I cannot express how grateful I am to everyone who has donated and shared Reilly’s appeal for his autism support dog.  So many times I have been asked to start a crowdfunder when discussing a support dog in the past and I just haven’t been able to do it.  Is it pride? Nope I’m pretty shameless most of the time.

What is it about me that doesn’t feel worthy of peoples donations?  I have no problems whatsoever badgering people for donations for our charity but then again that isn’t for me. I literally cringe tweeting Reilly’s campaign to strangers I feel like Oliver Twist in the workhouse.

I’m a good person.  I do good things and christ knows karma has got lost looking for me to repay it.

The fact of the matter is I am absolutely blown away by the comments and emails I have received.  It has boosted my confidence and my self esteem the last 2 days.  I have been shown such gratitude just for writing this blog I feel I must repay it with a big fat right back at you!

Gratitude and positivity is everything. I’m a positive person.  I always try to make sure my cup is half full not half empty.

When I lost my brother years back it would have been too easy to wallow and sink, which I did for a while, I teetered on the edge of the black hole of depression dipping my toe in it every single day, I once fell in upto my neck for a good while but managed to claw my way back. I still dip my toe in everyday by the way. Not sure that will ever stop.

After Neil’s sudden death I clung to the fact that there had to be a reason, why a well respected, fit young man could just be taken in the blink of an eye it was unfathomable.  Had to be reason, why us?  32 years of age is nothing.

Years later we found that reason.  Had we not lost my brother we would never have found my nephew’s hidden heart condition and in that realization a little bit of bitterness and angriness was chipped away just a little bit.

Without Neil’s death we would not have established the charity NE Hearts with Goals.  3 families have been saved from the heartbreak and desperation of losing a loved one.  We turned a wretched experience into a positive one for others and ourselves.  The gratitude we are shown by helping people is priceless, it’s like a medicine that keeps the angry bits at bay.   Gratitude & positivity two of life’s great staples. Practice them both and great things can happen.  Throw in some mindfulness and we are really talking.

I’ve had a lovely snippet of long awaited positivity tonight when Reilly independently went and picked up 2 of his PECS signs for bed at 7’o clock at presented them to me with a yawn.  He’s trying so hard to communicate with us and I felt a little chink of negativity drop off my shoulder as I tiptoed back out the room when he fell asleep.  He’ll probably be back up at 2am.

I have my fingers crossed that one day the weight I carry on my shoulders will get lighter, I try really hard to make it that way.  I have a beautiful family and a roof over my head and for that I am truly grateful.

In other news I forgot to send cakes to school for Macmillan and didn’t send a donation.  I never fail! 

Big thankyou everybody and much love.  Let’s smash this target for Reilly (and me).

Go Fund Me for Reilly’s Autism Support Dog